Plumbing Dump

My husband is a plumber and he got a emergency call on night while we were out to dinner. He said it wouldn't take long so we went to the customers house. While he was inside I had to take a massive shit. I was eight months pregnant with my second child. I tried to call him but he wasn't picking up his phone. I laid in the back seat of the truck for about twenty minutes. I couldn't take it anymore so I opened up the truck door and squatted down on her carport and let it go. Thanks God it was dark. I needed something to wipe on and I located a pair of my husbands jeans and wipes my butt. He came out and we pulled out of her carport and there was a massive pile on her driveway. I told my husband what I did and he was pissed. He said he had to return to her house in the morning. I told him maybe she would think it was a dog. He said it looked like an elephant shit there.

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Is It Bad If.....

Is it bad if you have a party and the most talked about thing afterward is a mystery vomiter?

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Hot Fudge at the Hair Salon.....

I went to get my hair done at trade secret the day before yesterday, Not long after my stylist began doing my hair, i felt the urge to go number two. I figured if I didn't think about it it would go away, so i forced small talk with the woman cutting my hair even though i was sweating through my bra and wishing i was in the ladies room more than anywhere else. It was very uncomfortable, but I was too shy to ask to use their bathroom. I managed to hold on just fine until my stylist started doing my eye brows. All the sudden, I felt like I was about to explode a hot lake in my pants. I try my hardest to squeeze my butt cheeks together, grinding it against the chair, but i couldn't keep it in, hot fudge starts to ooze out of my butt like a squeezed up tooth paste destroying my thong. i took a deep breath stood up to thank my stylish for doing a wonderful job on my hair, keeping a straight face even through i was slowly shitting my pants as i spoke to her. I march calmly to the register to pay and leave my tip. As soon as i walked out of that place, i felt like my butt was going to explode. i could not hold it in for another second. sweating through my shirt I let loose a hot blast of diarrhea right in my pants. It came out so much i had to literary stop and find a spot to stand and hold myself, I could feel some of it start to drip down my leg so i rushed myself to the bathroom. by the time i got to the bathroom, I was a mess, I let loose the rest of the diarrhea in the toilet and had to wear my shit filled pants home, I cryed in my car the whole way.

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I shat myself at Kmart

Once when i was 11, i ate at sizzlers and was struck with a mean case of diarrhea. i thought i would be able to hold it because we were heading home but on the way my parents decided to pull in to kmart. Much to my dismay, they proceeded to wander the store for what felt like an eternity. After a good while, I considered the probability that I would not make it home and so i went looking for the bathroom. Once i found it, I was horrified to discover that they were all occupied. So i left and told my parents i had gone. We walked around for a bit more and then headed back to the car. My dad was just unlocking the doors when i realized that I had no time left, i needed to find a toilet bad. I made a mad dash to back into the store but on the way i could not hold it any longer and it came streaming down my legs, falling out of my shorts. By the time I actually sat down on a toilet i was done. Not fun explaining that one to my parents.

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Never eat a green streak

This story happened to me just last month. I'm a single guy, love hanging with friends, taking things easy, partying it up and I LOVE eating. I especially love steak and grilling it over a charcoal grill. One weekend not too long ago I purchased a steak, thick and juicy just asking to be grilled. Somehow though it got forgotten about in the fridge for about a week and half.
Saturday rolled around and I really really wanted it. I was over this girl's house grilling dinner for her, a nice new fresh steak, and kept the old one for me. I figured what's the harm? A little diarrhea never hurt a man? I learned the hard way.
The steak even after numerous seasonings still tasted raunchy and yet I still ate it. After dinner we cleaned up, got out a few beers and a dvd movie game, one of those seen it games with clips from movies. Halfway through my beer, my stomach began to ache so bad. The feeling to pass gas soon came over me, so I went to the bathroom. I let one rip and it sounded like a machine gun going off. At this point I didn't have to take a shit but as soon as returned to the dvd game this horrible gurgling wave of noises ran thru my belly, a feeling of nauseousness came over me, I stood up and ran outside to vomit and at the same time crapped the runniest shit I ever had in my pants.
I didn't say a word to anyone, grabbed my keys and booked home. Took the longest shower ever. I puked my guts up for a day, and was shitting for three. Even crapped myself while sleeping.
I got what I deserved. Stick with the fresh steak!

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A good way to embarrass your mother.

One day when I was seven, I was about to visit a friends house for the day but felt I needed to take a shit, fearing it would be an unpleasant experience i decided to ignore the urge.
I arrived at my friends house and we headed out to the large forest at the back of her property which we often played in.
Then the trouble began.
After a long struggle to hold in my poop, I decided it was time to make a run for the house. My friend was not in the immediate area and I didn't have time to find her so I began the trek from the forest to her house alone. Running seemed to make the urgency to reach a toilet worse and stopping made my muscles relax.... I just couldn't win.
Unable to hold it in any longer, I allowed the turd to come out and thankfully my underpants prevented the shit from getting all over me....
Until in an effort to prevent my the embarrassment of having shitty underwear, I decided it would be best to take them off and sling them over a tree.While taking them off some more shit skidded out and smudged against my leg.
I managed to reach the house and finish pushing the rest out at the toilet. Then since i felt i had no other choice, I found my friends dad and told him I pooed my pants.
He rang my mum to pick me up and then I had to stand out in the driveway while he hosed me down.
After I ran down to the forest to find my friend and told them I shit my pants then I found my underpants hanging over the tree branch with a dozen or so flies around it.
My mum picked me up and took me home. She said it was the most embarrassing moment of her life.

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Indian Food Blow Out

Had I known the Spicy Beef Curry would have caused it I never would have ordered it. It began two days on Tuesday evening when Kim and I went out for a bite to eat at our favorite Indian restaurant in the city. I was extremely hungry and ate heartily after the long day at work. Each of us ordered a curry dish. As it turned out, my dish was a doozy. After pleasant conversation and a couple bottles of wine we wrapped it up and headed home. The first onset of rumblings began about two blocks from the restaurant. The sudden activity in my stomach got my attention, though the activity subsided as we continued the walk home. The second phase began as I was brushing my teeth and felt an extreme discomfort as a gas bubble formed somewhere in the depths of my bowels. At that point I knew I was in for a rough one. Being as exhausted as I was, I fell asleep for a couple of hours. I then awoke in a helpless panic as I felt my bowels beginning to regurgitate the curry I consumed earlier. As I was climbing over Kim in my feeble attempt to make it to the restroom, my ass exploded and showered our bedroom wall. I had not put my boxers back on after our love making so there was no barrier between my ass cannon and Kim and the wall. Kim awoke in a panic (not to mention covered in shit) and yelled as the stench overcame her and she realized what had happened. We are still considering hiring a professional cleaning service to do the job, but we are embarrassed to have anyone see it.

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