I was doing some construction work at the house of this old, miserable b*tch. One morning after about 3 coffees I had to take a horrible sh*t. Rather than use the horrible woman's bathroom I chose to drive 5 miles to my house. I hopped in my van and raced home ignoring every traffic law that I could. I was so desperate to get home that I even blew by a cop with his radar gun out the window. I remember thinking that the only way he was going to be able to ticket me was on the sh*tter at my house. He must have known by the painful expression on my face and the fact that I was basically standing up in my seat that it was an emergency so he let me go. On the way home I hit every damn light between the site and my toilet. Every bump and turn felt like I was being punched in the kidneys. When I got home, I stepped out of the car and I swear there was bright, majestic light that came through the clouds as if to say everything was going to be alright. Incorrect. Apparently I am allergic to the sun because for whatever reason when the sun came out I sneezed and in the same fashion that the sun snuck through the clouds some shit snuck out my ass.
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4 comments:
I had this happen the other day, but I didn't shit. I had to shit, but not bad, and then I sneezed and I felt it give a little push back there. I feel bad for you man. I know that feeling of holding yourself up off the seat while you're driving. Then you get out and run to the bathroom only to be stopped in your tracks by intense stomach cramps.
Ohhh man, i was just randomly sitting here at my computer working away, and sneezed and a load of shit came out :(:(:(
i think you you should have pooped in front of the copper :)
you should have gotten out of the car and pooped for the cop :)
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