Beer, Bed, and Poop - A drunken love tale

The first time my present girlfriend slept over I got up in the middle of the night to piss and likely due to the large amounts of High Life I drank I slipped out a wet fart. Unbeknownst to me I had actually sharted. I returned to bed in a drunken stupor. A few hours later I woke up when my girlfriend went to the bathroom. When she got up I noticed a strong fecal odor coming from underneath the blanket. Once I was sure she was in the bathroom I checked my drawers.....they were spotted. I immediately jumped out of bed, ripped off my drawers, and whipped them in the closest. I went back to sleep in a pair of gym shorts. To make matters worse she went home at 6am making me think she must have been unable to endure the stench. After hours of soul searching and contemplation I decided to call her and confess. Turns out she had no idea what I was talking about an asked me why I would admit such a thing. Unable to come up with a reply I hung up the phone and turned it off. Lucky for me she was able to see pass the incident.
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He would do anything for her

Back in college there was a girl I really wanted to date in one of my lecture halls. Every Saturday morning she would walk her dog at a local park. So one weekend I decided to get up early and walk my dog hoping for a casual run in. It seemed like a great idea at the time but when I arrived at the park my stomach began rumbling with the remains of the prior night (beer, liquor, Burger King etc.)

Then painful stomach cramps set in and I knew I had to shit immediately. I took my dog into what appeared to be a secluded area of the park and squatted down to do my business. Unfortunately, the Burger King I had consumed the night before in a drunken stupor had been sitting in my refrigerator for over a week and did some major damage to my stomach. There was brown liquid squirting everywhere. With no toilet paper it was an absolutely disgusting mess. At that point I decided to head home because I reeked of shit.

As I was coming out of the bushes walking towards me was the girl from my lecture hall. She smiled, waved and came over to say hello. Mid-way through her first sentence she stopped and said "What the hell is that smell?" Mortified I gave the first excuse that came to mind "I took my dog into the bushes so he could go to the bathroom and some poop must be stuck in his fur."

"Oh really" she said "Then what is that brown liquid running down your leg?" At the point I had no choice but to look her in the face and tell her I had sh*t my pants in the bushes. We did not ever date.
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Reference Chart

I found a great reference chart on Jokes123.com. In case you were ever curious or, even alarmed, about a substance that came from your butt you can use this easy to read and understand chart to figure it out.
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Lost Log - Anyone seen it?

Submitted 10/18 - 10:55pm

I had to pee between third and fourth period at school today. I went to the bathroom and closed the stall door, and I began to pee. I glanced down at my foot, and about four inches from it was a piece of shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ON THE FLOOR!


Found it!
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Shitty Options

I was on my way to class one day during college when I had a horrific accident in my car. I was hoping to sneak out a little noxious gas and instead dropped a bomb. It wasn't an enormous amount of shit but it was enough to seap through my kahkis. I pulled into a spot in the parking lot of school and debated for a good 15 minutes about what I should do. I was near the end of the year and needed to turn in a paper I wrote and also get some notes for the final exam so, I had to go in. I eventually devised a brilliant plan to wrap a sweatshirt around my pants to conceal the feces and planned to sit in the back of the room. By the time I got to class the only seat left was in the front row. I turned in my paper and sat down to take notes. As I sat there I noticed the stench of my pants permeating the room so I got up to go the bathroom. When I got there I realized that the poop had now seaped through my sweatshirt as well. I had to two choices: One, go home and save my dignity. Two, go back to class, stink up the joint and be remembered forever as the college senior who shit his pants but, pass my final. As I weighed the options I had a thought: I have not had dignity for a long time and most importantly "($@# these people!" After next week I will never see them again. I elected to go back to class and sit in my own feces while I offended everyone within 12 feet of me. The hell with them, I graduated!
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First Date Poop Story

The first time I had my present girlfriend over I thought I would be slick and make her dinner. For the most part I am only capable of making lasgna so, we had lasgna. I spent a couple hours getting everything set so when she got there everything was perfect. We sat down, ate and everything went well. After dinner we elected to go get a few drinks at nearby bar. When we returned we, for the most part, went directly to bed. A few hours later I woke up to my girlfriend getting out of bed and going in to the bathroom. I drifted back to sleep and about a minute later was awakened by what I thought was a freighter taking port in my bathroom. The sound frightened me in a way that made me considering either jumping under my bed or perhaps out the window. When I regained my composure I decided the best way to handle the situation was to pretend I was still asleep. She came back to bed a couple minutes later and I drifted off just to be awakened by another, larger freighter docking in my bathroom. In a moment of panic I forgot to fake being asleep and met her eyes as she came out. Come to find out she is lactose intolerant and ate the lasgna just to be nice. She is truly a better person than me.
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Poor guy soils himself at his girlfriend's parent's house

Well it all started when he got his girlfriend, Shannon. He was obsessed with her. She kinda controlled his life. It was March 15th 1998 he had the runs. He was on the toilet and Shannon called him on the phone asking him if he could come to dinner but he said he was busy but she begged but he still refused. So Tuesday 2 weeks later he thought it was gone. He explained everything to Shannon and she forgave him, laughing. She said he could make it up to her coming to dinner Friday night, so naturally he accepted. So he got all dressed up (tie and everything) and drove over to his house in his old clunker. Earlier that day he felt some slightly disturbing stomach rumblings but thought nothing of it.(so he thought) Anyway, back to the story. His girlfriend met him at the door, looking nice. They did a lot of smoochy smoochy and finally went in. They caught her little brother, Robbie looking out the peep hole in the door. By the time they were through yelling at him, it was time for dinner and Shane heard the rumbles again. After they said grace they started eating. After the delightful meal, Shannon's mom and dad were asking Shane about himself. He began to answer when all of the sudden.... BBBBOOOOOOMMMMMMM, it hit him as hard as a rock and it all came out, he was so embarassed. So the next day he saw Shannon at shcool and she said she was braking up with him and her parents forbidded her to see or talk to him. He was then given the phrase, "Shane, Shane the dooky stain.

"Story from Frank's Poop Page
Hope this is ample enough.

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Two Stories

I found these stories on the web. Here is a link to some dude's site/poop stories.
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