Why you should never question someone about their bathroom trips

I have a history of diarrhea mishaps but probably the worst was at the gas station. I felt ill as pulled into the station and figured I would hurry my gas pumping up and get home to avoid the probable nasty gas station bathroom. I continued to fill my gas tank when my belly rumbled like thunder and gave me the indication it wouldn't wait. I went into the gas station, asked for the key to the restroom, sprinted around the corner - cheeks clenched - and made it to the door just in time. Afterexploding the diarrhea out of me I payed for the gas, handed back the key and went to my car to leave then..... round two came up. My options were to risk the ride home and perhaps making a mess in my car or ask again for the key after returning it about three minutes earlier. I elected to ask for the key again. When I came back the guy asked me what was wrong so I told him I was sick. Apparently he was concerned I was stealing gas by drinking it and pissing it out in his dungeon bathroom. Regardless, I made it the bathroom once again but this time I left a bit of a mess on the back of the toilet and the floor. As soon as the runs stopped flowing I yanked my pants up, tossed the attendant the key and dashed to my car. The guy shouldn't have questioned me.....now he knows.

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Video::: Worst Burglar of ALL TIME

Hysterical video of a shit for brains burglar

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Video::: Horse takes Dump on Lady's Head

Hard to feel bad for a lady who willingly climbs around under a horse.

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When you're sliding into third and......

I was in the six grade's boys gym class and it happens that on this particular day I was singing the childhood song "when you're sliding into third and lay a juicy turd, Diarrhea" . Little did I know it would be a self fulfilling prophecy. . I guess it was the lunch corn dogs I ate because as soon as I swung at that first pitch it became clear the dogs needed to come out . I sprinted to first practically holding my butt cheeks together when I arrived, safe I might add, I asked for a bathroom pass but was uncompassionately denied by the teacher. After numerous small little squirts of the runs into the back of my gym shorts, it happened. I felt a huge wet mess fall out as I purposely fell on my bottom into third base. There was diarrhea all over third base. I was sent to the nurses station and was eventually sent home, clean, but ashamed. The stupid teacher should have given me a pass but, as it turns out, the joke is on her........I shit on third base.

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Spider Ride Poop Story

It was just before the beginning of my senior year in high school, the end of the summer. Me and some of the guys decided to party our our last weekend away before school. There was a carnival held at one of the elementary schools that Saturday night. So after getting some beers from and older buddy of ours and ordering the works pizza from pizza hut we headed off to play some cheesy games and maybe ride some rides. We had plans to make it fun. We played and won some games, my buddy won a teddy bear for his girl and everything seemed going well until suddenly my stomach turned into a big knot, then it gurgled like a monster, then it burned like fire. I knew the warning signs and and went quickly to the disgusting porta potties, didn't let my butt touch the seat though. I had bad diarrhea and was in the porta potty for a while, but just lied to my buddies that there was long line. Well, about 20 minutes pass and my stomach feels worse than it did the first time around, only this time were up for the spider ride, a spinney fast carnival ride with cars for two. I tried to back out, making up a story that I was chicken but my friend drug me on.Just as I sat into the car I farted and liquid shit halfway filled my pants. The rest of my pants were filled with diarrhea during the spinning ride, and the friend I was sitting with on the car even got my shit on his pants. I got off the ride and began throwing up. Turns out I caught an intestinal bug and was puking and shitting for three days. I recovered, missed my first day of senior year, and got a nice reputation of the shitter man the last year of high school. But here it is two years later and me and my friends laugh.

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Video::: Chicks are Tricky!

They'll get you when you're not looking!

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Quick and Dirty Shitty Story

When I was four years old I was out on the playground playing with my friends when I was hit by the urge. Being a four year old kid and, unwilling to walk away from my important game of tag, I did not cease to the warning and continued to play. After the inevitable transpired I was naturally approached by my teacher to find out what was the matter. After careful deliberation I looked up and explained to my teacher that it wasn't actually me that shit their pants.....It was her. Needless to say she didn't buy it..

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Video:::OOOPS I Crapped My Pants

SNL commercial for adult diapers

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Video::: Dude Poops on Street in Broad Daylight

Is this guy drunk or just doesn't give a shit? (Pun!)

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Video::: Run by Farting

The farting takes away from the fact the dude ran naked on live TV!

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Legend of the Bathroom Bandit

Many people are afraid to poop at school, I don't know why. I guess you could call it a phobia of sorts. Walking in the bathroom, you look to see people with there shoes off so you can only see there socks so you can't identify them by there shoes, knowing you would make fun of them for taking the dump. I am not one of those people. I have taken remarkable dumps, ones to be remembered, urinals, principals office, even the floor. Well one day I had to poop I didn't hide it, I told my p.e. teacher I had to squeeze one out like a chinchilla in heat, so he dismissed me to the bathroom just laughing at what I said. I made it to the bathroom, but I didn't really feel like doing it in the toilet, or the urinal. The floor was a choice, but what excitement is that after doing it a few times? I decided, the sink was the one for me. I dropped my draws, cheeks to the sink, it was one of those ones where you move your hands and the water goes, so needless to say I used it as a bum washer. The turd was big, smelled funky, and it was brown. It was a good sized turd, moderate in size, I was laughing so hard I couldnt finish pooping, I washed my butthole and got out of there. Well, I was in the office later that day and I heard a janitor come in screaming at the top of his lungs "god damn kids!" something of that non-sense, I think this was the only time I ever made someone quit there job. It was amazing, I felt so good about it, especially because I was never caught. Only leading to the legend of the bathroom bandit. Bathroom Bandit

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Video:: Why you don't take a dump on the side of the road

Man taught a valuable lesson.

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It came from all directions

I thought this would be funny to share with strangers... i haven't even told me mate this. We'd been doing our usual saturday night drinking just before going out to Karaoke down the main street. Without thinking, we just locked up and left. It was only soon after, that I felt the urge to crap but since it was only about 10 minutes to the nearest pub I was going to hold it till I got to one (funny thing is that it would have been quicker to go home) It felt as if every step was helping to loosen my bowels but then the feeling eased. Having been drinking a bit, my mate went into a vacant lot and started throwing up, his girlfriend went to see if he was ok. Unfortunately the sound of his vomiting was too much for my weak stomach and I leant over and began to throw up as well. I was asked if I was ok, I just held up my hand and said I'm fine. The next time I threw up, my bowels loosened and I could feel shit filling my pants. This caused me to throw up, which caused me to shit again. I told my mate I wasn't well enough to go on so I was going to go home. What's that smell he asked. I told him I had just let one big smelly fart rip when I threw up and laughed as best as I could. Well I think he brought it and began to walk home as best as I could, my mate and his girlfriend walked me home before setting off again. I never said anything to my mate further, and I don't know if he knew anything. I've thought about asking him about that night but haven't yet... We usually talk about alot of stuff so I may cheers

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