Stairway to Heaven

I was in the grocery store when the earlier beers from the golf course suddenly hit me. I went to check the bathroom in the store but of course it was locked. Upon that discovery I darted, with very tight buns, out of the store and into my car leaving my cart of food in the middle of the store. From there I drove about a mile, running every stop sign, to get home to my third floor apartment. I got to the last set of the steep steps and I started leaking. Fumbling with my keys I leaked some more. I was wearing shorts so I was making an incredible and putird smelling mess. Finally I got the door open and I started leaking really bad.....more like pouring. I sprinted through the kitchen leaving a trail all the way to the bathroom. The trail started on my legs and ran all the way from the top of the stairs to my toilet. There would be no denying it. I spent the rest of the night mopping up the stairs and floors in shame.

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Pennies Poop Tale

I was heading to the mall one day to make a quick stop at JCPenney when for whatever reason my mother decided she wanted to come along. The whole time she would not stop complaining. She kept swearing and saying "shit" constantly....now I know why. At one point she got mad at me and yelled so hard that she shit her pants. Now this wasn't your ordinary anal burp that you thought to be a fart. This was like a damn fire hose in the back of her pants spraying a putrid brown liquid. She rushed into the bathroom clutching her ass, which was obviously wet and not hard to miss for anyone who cared to look. When she came out, her pants were soaking wet. Obviously, I couldn't very well go into the ladies room but I have significant doubts to her story. She claims that she was able towash them in the sink and clean herself because no one was in the restroom BUT, I seem to recall three horrified people coming out of the bathroom a few seconds after she went in and no one else dared go in.

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Why ALL bathrooms should be Public

Late one summer night I was at a store buying a drink when this woman ran in all crazy and sweaty. When she got the clerks attention she asked if she could use the restroom. The clerk replied that the restroom was not for the public and he was sorry for any inconvience.(Not nearly as sorry as he was going to be) After the clerk's response the women replied where the hell do you want me to go....then she answered her own question. After verbally assaulting the clerk the women shit in her blue jeans right there in front of the counter. Excrement ran down her legs like a waterfall and puddled up on her Chuck Taylors. After surveying the mess the woman looked at the cashier and said "See what you made me do" then darted to her car and took off. The best part was another customer that was waiting in line asked the clerk for the restroom key with the ultimatum if he didn't give him the key immediately he was going to do the same thing. Needless to say the clerk could not hand the key over fast enough.

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