As you may already know, I have a severe addiction to diet coke. On Sunday,
I came to realize we had run out of it only after I had returned from
Georgios with a delicious piece of tomato and pesto pizza. I ate the pizza
accompanied by a glass of water but found this unsatisfying, so after I was finished I decided it was a very crucial matter for me to acquire a can of
dc so I began the trek to 7-11. In my haste for that nutra-sweet, I forgot
to consider that I had been unable to eat any amount of food for the past 2
weeks without a dash to the bathroom immediately after its consumption. As I
walked to the store, my stomach began to rumble, but I thought its only 2
blocks... ill make it. By the time I reached the stores parking lot, the
cramping had set in. I knew it was a matter of urgency but my need for diet
coke prevented me from turning around and making the mad dash home. I walked
in 3 people in line... no big deal.. I’ll be in and out. I thought of
grabbing a little snack while I was there for later but after I close the
cooler door I knew there was no time.... I reached the counter... and was
confronted with the biggest loser hippy employee 7-11 has ever seen. He
tormented each customer as they came... and had no sense of urgency in his
dealings. I waited what felt like 4 minutes... pondering where the nearest
toilet would be... I knew there was not one in 7-11... I eyed the parking
structure across the street... could I really take the chance?
Finally it
was my turn, I threw the money at the cashier and made a split decision...my
only chance was to make it home. I walked/ran home at an unprecedented
speed. Ran in the back door... only to hear the voice of a male on the
porch... could I really risk a boy coming upstairs after I had alleviated
myself.. the answer was yes... I ran up the stairs only to hear another male
friend's voice in my roommate’s bedroom just inches from the bathroom...
knowing this boy the way I do.. I knew it would not be safe to shit in his
vi9cinity, surely a comment would be made if he discovered what I had just
done..... so I ran in the bathroom, grabbed a roll of toilet paper (thank
god I had the foresight) and headed the bathroom downstairs... no one ever
goes down there.. I would be safe. I flipped the switch to the bathroom...
it began to flicker.. and as I rushed in, it turned out. I could not shit in
the pitch black.. that I felt was just asking for trouble... but what could
I do?... I couldn’t go back upstairs... I would need a new light bulb... and
I rushed around the basement looking for light that had easy access....
as there was only 2 to choose from I chose the one without a fixture over
it. I couldn’t turn the light out before I ripped it out of its socket because the
light switch was upstairs and there was certainly no time to rush back to
the top of the stairs.. so I grabbed a stray shirt from the dryer to use to
shield my hand from the burns that would surely be delivered if I touched it
with my bare hand. I unscrewed it and in my frantic state shifted it from the
the hand with the t-shirt to the other scolding my fingers... but there was
no time for burn treatment so I ran into the dark bathroom... and was
confronted with a light fixture hanging by several oddly placed screws... I
ripped the screws out, I don’t even think I turned them and screwed the new
light bulb on with the speed of an electrician. Then I sat on the toilet,
relieved myself.. While at the same time nursing my burnt hand......
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