Shitty Stories

Story: I was visiting a friend in NYC and he happened to live in Washington Heights. We went to a great Indian Place where I loaded up on the Murg Tikka Masala. I had to hold in an explosion during our walk back to his place. I was not feeling well to begin with that day, and it certainly was hard for me to hold my fudge after the Indian dinner. I did not want to go up into this guy\'s apartment and launch a colon blow in his bathroom, because it would have been loud and horrific, so I said I was going to get going and finish my drive home. I said goodbye and went downstairs. But I could not hold it anymore - I looked for a bathroom and could not find one - I ducked into a stairwell where there was a ladder, and some painting equipment, including those orange 5 gallon \"Homer Buckets\" from Home Depot. I took a bucket which had some drying white paint in it. I squatted on the bucket, and let forth the worst spray of semi-solid fecal matter I had ever seen up to that point. I was proud of myself. I used a few painter\'s towels to wipe, deposited them in the bucket on top of my poo, and walked outside, got in my car and traveled home. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when the painter came back to work that next morning... The Phantom Pooper