Her Burning Shit Story

As you may already know, i have a severe addiction to diet coke. On Sunday, I came to realize we had run out of it only after i had returned from Georgios with a delicious piece of tomatoe and pesto pizza. I ate the pizza accompanied by a glass of water but found this unsatisfying, so after i was finished I decided it was a very crucial matter for me to acquire a can of dc so i began the trek to 7-11. In my haste for that nutra-sweet, i forgot to consider that I had been unable to eat any amount of food for the past 2 weeks without a dash to the bathroom immediately after its consumption. As i walked to the store, my stomach began to rumble, but i thought its only 2 blocks... ill make it. By the time i reached the stores parking lot, the cramping had set in. I knew it was a matter of urgency but my need for diet coke prevented me from turning around and making the mad dash home. I walked in 3 people in line... no big deal.. ill be in and out. I thought of grabbing a little snack while i was there for later but after i close the cooler door i knew there was no time.... I reached the counter... and was confronted with the biggest loser hippy employee 7-11 has ever seen. He tormented each customer as they came... and had no sense of urgency in his dealings. I waited what felt like 4 minutes... pondering where the nearest toilet would be... i knew there was not one in 7-11... i eyed the parking structure across the street... could i really take the chance? Finally it was my turn, i threw the money at the cashier and made a split decision...my only chance was to make it home. I walked/ran home at an unprecedented speed. Ran in the back door... only to hear the voice of a male on the porch... could i really risk a boy coming upstairs after i had eleviated myself.. the answer was yes... i ran up the stairs only to hear another male friend's voice in my roommmates bedroom just inches from the bathroom... knowing this boy the way i do.. i knew it would not be safe to shit in his vicinity, surely a comment would be made if he discovered what i had just done..... so i ran in the bathroom, grabbed a roll of toilet paper (thank god i had the foresight) and headed the bathroom downstairs... no one ever goes down there.. i would be safe. I flipped the switch to the bathroom... it began to flicker.. and as i rushed in, it turned out. I could not shit in the pitch black.. that ifelt was just asking for trouble... but what could i do?... i couldnt go back upstairs... i would need a new light bulb... and FAST. i rushed around the basement looking for lite that had easy access.... as there was only 2 to choose from i chose the one without a fixture over it. I couldnt turn the light out before i ripped it out of its socket bc the light switch was upstairs and hter ewas certainly no time to rush back to the top of the stairs.. so i grabbed a stray shirt from the dryer to use to shield my hand from the burns that would surely be delivered if i touched it with my barehand. I unscrewed it and in my frantic state shifted it from the the hand with the tshirt to the other scolding my fingers... but there was no time for burn treatment so i ran into the dark bathroom... and was confronted with a light fixture hanging by several oddly placed screws... i ripped the screws out, i dont even think i turned them and screwed the new light bulb on with the speed of an electrician. Finally i sat on the toilet,.. while at the same time nursing my burnt hand....