I shit in MY OWN hands....

I haven't shit myself since i was a kid until today. I was at the mall really early, before it even opened for work. I had come in very early to stock merchandise and assign cash registers to my employees. I felt like i had to take a crap, but i figured i could wait a few minutes for the next person to come in so i could leave the store without worry. As soon as one of my employees arrived, i made a mad dash for the public bathroom...Unfortunately when i got there, it was out of order. PANIC!! I knew there was another bathroom on the other side of the mall. So i hobbled across the mall half running half walking since i was not sure which style would best prevent me from crapping. I felt like i had to fart and figured that it would relieve some of the pressure. I hobbled towards the bathroom with like 100 yards to go and instead of a fart i started prairie dogging. I put my hand down the back of my pants and tried to cup all the crap in my boxers and my hand. i got to that bathroom and IT WAS LOCKED FOR A FEW MORE MINUTES!. Since i had no other options, I ran into the womans bathroom which was open for some reason, and finally made it to a toilet. There was shit all over my boxers, the inside of my pants, and some on my shoe that had traveled down my pant leg. I threw away my boxers, did my best to wipe up the shit on my pant and shoes, and felt like killing myself. While cleaning myself up i somehow managed to get shit all over the toilet seat, which i also did my best to clean up. it took two rolls of toilet paper and alot of praying to god no one would come in while i was running to the sink to wet some napkins to clean myself with. In the end i was actually pretty impressed by the great job i did concealing the fact that i shit my pants. The smell was barely noticeable from a normal distance, and there were no visible stains. I went back to work, finished my shift, went home, and took a long hot shower. My leg had a rash on it and it was super sore. I need a fucking beer.