Shitty Train Ride

It was the last day of the semester and I couldn\'t wait to get home. I got to the train station with two friends and then it hit me, I had to take a shit. At this point I didn\'t think much of it and rejected the idea of going back into school to drop a load so I got on the train. Let\'s put things into perspective here, it\'s about a 40 minute train ride and afterwords a 20 minute bus ride to home. 15 minutes into the train ride I started squirming about in my seat. At this point I knew that not going back to school was one of the worst decision I have made in years. I loosened my belt to try to relieve the pressure but it did no good and I started to fart about every minute or so. As the train was pulling into my station I knew I couldn\'t wait for the transfer to the other train so I made the plan to bolt into a fast food restaurant. Just as the train was stopping, boom I shit my pants. I felt my boxers sag down as they were the only thing that was blocking the shit from sliding down my leg and into my shoes. As I exited the train as slowly as I could without causing too much attention to the passengers behind me and I started to climb the stairs ahead of me. The shit started to flow down my leg and I just knew the people behind me could smell it all. Once I was out of the station I saw a Dunkin\' Donuts across the street. Usually these kind of establishments only allow the use of their restrooms to customers so I ordered a Coffee Coolata and made my way to the back of the store. \"Excuse me, we do not have a restroom!\" Oh shit, what the hell am I going to do now. I paid for the Coffee Coolata and darted out the door looking for a place to clean up the disaster in my pants. As a I peered into several small restaurants I saw that they either had no restrooms or they were out of order, just my luck. Finally after about walking for three blocks I come across a very small Indian restaurant that had a open restroom. There were tables right next to the bathroom door and I knew these peoples meals were ruined. I got in and finished the shit that I started which took about three minutes. I peered into my jeans and saw that I needed to clear some of this shit out. I took off my shoes, jeans and boxers and started to scrape out the shit with cheapest 1 ply toilet paper you could find on the planet. I heard a knock on the door but I could care less. I decided to throw out my boxers into the garbage can and use my socks to clear out the shit in my pants. Before I knew it I was completely naked scraping shit out of jeans with my t-shirt. I heard another loud knock on the door when I realized there was no way of getting all the shit out of my jeans. I put my jeans back on, my shoes, my hoodie and my jacket. Everything else went inside the garbage can. I washed my hands, flushed the toilet, put my hood on and bolted out of the store. Free at last I thought but what am I going to do next, I still smell like a barn. I had to get back on the train and thankfully it was already at the station. I got in and knew the people around could sense my stench so I made a disgusted face and looked around trying to convince others that it could not possibly be me. Two stops later I got off and decided I would spare the citizens and not take the bus but walk home. About 10 minutes into my 30 min walk home my legs started to chafe from the shit rubbing against my thighs, it burned like hydrochloric acid. My only relief was that it was freezing and a couple of minutes later it was all numb. As I got to my street I saw there were no cars in front of my house meaning that there were no guests in my house and my parents were away. I took out my keys, got in my house and realized my brother and sister were home. My brother says \"Woah bro did you step in shit?\" I reply \"I don\'t know maybe, why does it smell?\" as I made my way to the bathroom. Once I got in I took off my clothes off. Shit was literally frozen onto my legs. I emptied my pockets and put my pants into a plastic bag along with my old shoes that were covered in a little bit of shit. I got in the shower and started to scrub the shit off my legs. As my legs defrosted I started to feel my chaffed thighs and they burned as the water flowed onto them. Twenty minutes later I got out, clean as a whistle. I went went to my room put some clean clothes on and threw out the plastic bag with my shit riddled pants and shoes in them. Thankfully my brother and sister did not realize what I did and the Febreeze along with an open window in my bathroom covered the stench up. I crawled into bed because I could not move due to my chaffed thighs and fell asleep.