Morning Story

I had been suffering with salmonella for a couple of days. I don’t know if salmonella has the same affect on everyone, but one of the side-effects it gave me was the complete inability to control my farts, or in other words, - which tells the story better I couldn’t help following through.

Anyway I was supposed to be going out with my girlfriend one Friday night for a meal, then sleep the night at hers, however due to my condition I was seriously considering cancelling it. I knew she’d be disappointed so I went ahead with it,... big mistake! Just a note she wasn’t aware of my condition at this time, as I was a little embarrassed for obvious reasons.

We went to a local Indian Restaurant for tea, - yes I know asking for trouble at the best of times. The food to me tasted a bit dodgy and I knew my stomach/ intestine/s (big and small one) weren’t going to be in agreement.

Anyway I am standing at the counter waiting to pay for us both, - you see the gent I am, when I feel the early signs coming on. She’d just nipped into the toilet so if I moved quickly, now was my chance to do the deed. I declined this opportunity..., how would I regret it!

Where about a stones throw from her house when the situation becomes critical!

As sods law would have it the shortcut to her house has been blocked off due to construction work. Now I’ve had it.

We either take the diversion (of about mile) the likely result of this being I shit my pants.

Or take option to clamber over a five-foot wall, again likely result I shit my pants!

Not an ideal situation by anyone’s standards!

I choose the latter as I figured if it’s going to happen it might as well happen quickly!

Sure enough I help her over the wall, - there’s the gentlemen side of me coming out again.

She’s over, - now my turn, sure enough just at the point where I hook one leg over the wall, I think almost there, simultaneously I stretch that bit too far, leaving a gaping hole for that runny poo to run into my boxers, and eventually as I near her house down my legs verging reaching my shoes.

Luckily as I was due to stay the night I had a spare change off clothes so when I got in I shot into the toilet to change, I thought to myself god forbid if this happens again, I’ll have to borrow a thong.

As you may have anticipated with the tone of this story, tragedy did strike again.

We are lazing in bed with one another, I’m massaging her back and before I know it she’s dozed off. I turn over (facing away from her now) and attempt to get some rest myself. About half an hour I feel, - what I think is a dry, quiet fart brewing. I feel so sure of this I am confident I can risk doing it next to her, which of course is a risk as this is my last pair of boxers. Taking that into consideration I pulled down my boxers by the waist revealing my naked backside.

There I go, now I am completely set and safe for whatever my bowels have in store!

Yes I am but she’s not! I was wrong with my initial prognosis of it being a quiet dry fart, -  the quiet bit was right however it was one of the wettest poos (honestly like liquid) I’ve ever released and it shot straight out of me onto her underwear lower back and upper leg.

My only saving grace was somehow she didn’t wake up, and I tip-toed out of her bedroom and into the bathroom. ten minutes later I duly returned all spotlessly clean, with no evidence that I could have possibly just done such a thing!

Need I say, I declined the offer of sleeping the rest of the night in that bed, so just lay on the floor for the rest of the night wide awake.

Around half eight the next morning I could hear her begin to stir. Innocent as ever I tapped her on the shoulder giving her an early morning kiss, and revealed to her in my special way, ‘you  appear to have had an accident babe’ she turned round, still half asleep, and had an instant look of horror all over her normally pretty face. Inside I was in hysterics but I managed to control myself, and she s[pent the next hour or so, saying things like, ‘I swear to you I haven’t done that in years, since I was 7 or something’, (now nearly 18) ‘I can’t believe I’ve done that when your hear,’ ‘Oh I feel so embarrassed.’ You get the gist of it.

I said I believed her, and constantly reassured her, saying things like, although it must have been incredibly humiliating for her, I didn’t care one bit, and said it can happen to anyone!

I couldn’t actually believe, I had managed to perform one of the greatest escapes in the history of what must be human existence.

You may be surprised to know that she still doesn’t know till this day the true happenings on that day, and we are still happily together now 3 months later!

Note: - Although this story may sound a bit skeptical/ farfetched but I promise you every word of this is 100% true. Hope you enjoy reading.