Jersey Shore Shitty Story

Back in 1993, on a hot summer day in August, I rushed to get done work and get home. I was ready to go on vacation to the shore and at the time I had a 1953 Chevy. I was was confident it would make the trip with no problem but when I got home my father kept saying "you shouldn\'t take it! you may break down in the Pine Barrens!" I sat at my mothers table stuffing my face with cold cuts and mayo and said "No pop I will make it" Bag packed and car full of gas I headed on my way. I got on the turnpike and breezed down the highway. In the back of my head I could still hear my father saying "you shouldn't take it! you may break down in the Pine Barrens!" Now I don't know if it was that or the food I ate, but my stomach started bubbling. Then I started sweating and checking my temperature gauge and oil pressure and was like oh god what if I do break down!  I began to panic as I hit the Delaware Memorial Bridge. I begin feel the pressure in my colon. "Oh no" I said to myself or out loud I don't remember.. "I am going to shit my pants!" I was at the top of the bridge and I clenched my cheeks as hard as I could. I pulled over after I crossed the bridge, and sprinted across a meadow to the tree line. I didn't make it! With every step shit started coming out of my ass. I made it to the tree line and pulled down my pants, but the damage had been done! I searched my pockets for something to wipe. The only thing I had with me was a rag I used to check the oil with. Why it was in my back pocket i don\'t know, but at the time I was grateful to have anything to wipe with. I limped back to my car and laid my leather jacket on the seat...got in the car with shit pants...and the damn thing wouldn't start! The starter always had problems when it got hot and it was August. I waited for what seemed to be an eternity and the thing finally started. I thought to myself I could turn around and go back home and embarrass myself or keep heading down the shore and embarrass myself. I headed to the shore. I drove on for an hour and a half with shit caked jeans praying that I didn't break down or get pulled over. Thankfully, I got to our shore house safely. However, when I pulled into the drive way the neighbor was having a barbecue with about 15 people. "Wow look at the old car" one said. I jumped out of the car as fast as I could and darted to the back door of the house..keys fumbling in my hand. "Hey man, come on over and have a hot dog" the neighbor yelled. I said maybe later and got into the house. Threw my pants in a garbage bag and took a hot shower!