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Perfect Excuse
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Textbook Recovery
My story begins at about 7am. This is when I usually have those
horrible feelings in the bowel. I was leaving my house for my usual 45
minute commute when I had a little pang. I shrugged it off and walked
out to my car. Wiping off my car windows I had another, more serious
pang. At this point, things got a little dicey. I couldn't walk back
into the house for fear of embarrassing myself and not making it. Also,
somebody else may be in the bathroom. The immediate alternative was
the CVS store about a mile away. As I pulled into the parking lot, I
let out what I thought was a little fart. I knew things would be
critical as I got out of the car and started walking toward the door to
CVS. Shuffling toward the door, it started coming out and continued as I
walked past an employee. We exchanged "Good Mornings" as it kept
dumping into my underwear. Thankfully, my briefs caught it all. I
shuffled to the bathroom and carefully removed clothing. The underwear
went into the trash and I cleaned myself up and took the remainder of
the shit, which wasn't much and not satisfying at all. Fearing bad
karma, I tied up the trash bag (with the underwear) and removed it
outside where I tossed it into a big trash bin. Then I reentered the
store again and bought new underwear. When I got to work I put on a new
pair. So, it was a textbook recovery. I still felt nauseated so I
couldn't relish just how seamless it was. By the way, I had been eating
a lot of fast food lately, but I think it was the "IN & OUT" burger
that did it. Something about the way they cook it (or undercook it)
but it sure does taste good.
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Fake Flusher...
As a female, the most horrific thing that can happen is the combination of a bad pooping experience combined with that particular time of the month.
I was in a public restroom and had just finished having a good shit, when I discovered there was only one or two squares of toilet paper in my stall. That's a bummer considering I also had my period. I used what was there and then waited till I heard the last person leave, and quickly waddled over to an adjoining stall, pants around my ankles, to retrieve several fistfulls of additional paper. Once I felt I had properly cleaned myself and was ready to pull up my knickers, lo and behold, the flusher wouldn't budge. What the...?
I looked at what lay in the bowl, and it can best be described as pure carnage. Imagine the awfulness of the average dump, combined with so much blood that it looked like the slaughtering of someone's actual bowels took place in the bowl.
Thank God Almighty I was still alone in the restroom at this time and I made a lightning quick decision. I would hoist up my pants and get out of the stall as quickly as possible before anyone else came in. Imagine someone waiting on you while you exit your stall, and then trying to explain why they cannot use that toilet.
Just in time I made it to the sink and was washing my hands when a drove of women came in and proceeded to fill all the stalls. But not before I first confidently informed them that they should avoid that particular stall. I said that some foul individual had not flushed the toilet after they used it. One woman looked in and shrieked. "What the?.....How disgusting!" Another looked in and swore. "What are people coming to these days?", another one wondered. I wholeheartedly agreed with them all while I finished drying my hands, never having once lied while completely getting away with my predicament.
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Can NOT make it home.
It was a typical rainy Friday night, stuck in the depths of the Monroe N.C Walmart with my parents doing their shopping for the week. The night proceeded as usual, being only around twelve to thirteen years old I was escorted by my father to the shabby selection of PC games where he stood and "people watched", clearly bored out of his mind. I eyed the selection of low-grade video games, trying to find the best game for $20. I bit my tounge, staring at a promising package and bent down to pick it up.
It hit me like a shopping cart moving at full speed, right in the intestines.
I stood, half bent for a few seconds, wincing in pure BM-filled pain. After that, the pain dulled to about half the intensity, I figured it was holdable. This is where my judgement lead to the destruction of my underpants.
I finally picked out a game, and was dragged with my father to the sporting goods section, where he wandered about aimlessly. The walk was begining to get to me, the pain slowly began to grow once again, just as it reached its painfull climax, I told my father "We have to go to the bathroom... NOW!" and waddled towards the back of the store where the less used restroom is located. When I arrived, at my own dismay, a grimy piece of paper was taped to the door. "Out of Order".
I decided to grit my teeth and deal with it, since we were almost finished anyhow. I should have just went in.
The pain became even greater as we stood in line, the pain from earlier was nothing compared to this. It felt as if my appendix had exploded, and my intestines were slowly being pulled apart by a mysterious force. It seemed to take an eternity, however, I finally sat down in the car, my sweaty and slightly overweight body convulsing with pure poop-pain.
My mother tried to give me pep talks as we traveled down the road, saying such things as "Halfway home! You can hold it!" and etc. But, ten minutes away from home it leaked out... All of it.
The warm mass pressed against my butt and the soft seat, and clung to the hair on the back of my legs, chunks of digested food squished against my rear as I tried to hide it, but it was inevitable, with the car windows rolled up and the heat on, the smell became obvious in seconds. It seemed to splash with every turn as my mom began to throw a hissy-fit on how it happened, etc.
I've learned now, if you have to go bad enough, just do it. You will save your underpants.
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Jersey Shore Shitty Story
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Panties in the Woods
It was a nice Spring morning, a little cool, but not what you would call cold. I was on the golf course with the other members of my regular foursome. We'd caught 4 women at the 13th hole. Now we had a bit of a wait while they hit two shots before we hit our drives. At least number 13 has a nice path going back into the woods, so I headed back there to empty my bladder. As I stood there, hosing down a tree, I saw a flash of pink just a little further into the woods. Having a few minutes to waste, I decided to investigate. so I walked over. There on the ground was a pair of ladies pink cotton panties, totally full of shit. It looked really fresh. About then my friends called me to the tee. The women had moved on closer to the green. I had had a good round going up until that point, but I lost all concentration. I kept watching those 4 women, trying to figure which one had shit in her panties and left them in the woods on the 13th tee.
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I need to go potty......
One day many years ago when I was in elementary school, I was sitting in the computer lab doing the normal 3rd grade stuff: playing boring educational games and learning how to type. I was sitting there minding my own business, when suddenly, it happened. I could feel the pressure build up inside me, but I tried to ignore it; I absolutely hated using the school bathrooms. However, before too long, if felt like my bowels would soon explode. I knew that a bowel movement was imminent. As I debated whether or not I should go to the bathroom or just wait it out until I got home, my worst fears were realized. I tried to pinch my butt cheeks to keep it from coming out, but turtle-heading was happening nonetheless. I raised my hand for what felt like an eternity, all the while with fecal matter slowly oozing into my underwear. Luckily, the smell had not hit. Yet. By the time the teacher let me go to the bathroom, I knew I was in a predicament. When I got to the bathroom, I rushed into one of the stalls and collapsed onto one of the toilets. The bubbling, steaming mass of BM burst violently into the toilet water, sending a large torrent of toilet water and feces splashing back up. As I sat there, I noticed that there was a large BM deposit in the underwear at my ankles. When I was done pooping, I tried to scrape the poop that was in my underwear into the toilet. However, there was still a wet diarrhea stain left behind in its place. I knew that it would stink when I got back to the classroom, so I attempted to keep the smell in my stuffing my underwear with toilet paper. When I got back to the classroom, I could tell that the smell was lingering. Let’s just say, I never pooped at that school again.
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